Is ROMANCE dead?

I was sitting quietly doing some work on my laptop whilst being distracted by my favourite television series, NCIS; the original NCIS (the NCIS Los Angeles is too ‘techno-gizmo’ for me), when my wife comes to me and says we ‘should do something’, to which I reply ‘I am, I’m working’. She said ‘no, I mean something romantic’; this got me troubled. With barely a month into marriage, it got me thinking, I hope I’m not becoming one of those odd couples I've heard and seen that seem to have lost the romance in their marriage.

This begs the question, should romance have a place in marriage? Should married couples experience a regular feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love? After all, I now have the licence to thrill and be thrilled.

Don’t get me wrong romance is not and shouldn't be the sole foundation of a union, however, it is the fire in the fireplace — the warmth and security of a relationship that says, "We may have struggles, but I love you, and everything is okay." We ought to make romance a part of our everyday diet in our marriage relationship. 

Look at what the Bible says in Proverbs 5:18-19: "…May your fountain be blessed,  and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer - may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love"

That's a powerful image - to be literally exhilarated by your spouse. This type of romance is part of what sets a marriage apart from just a friendship. Victoria is my friend, but there is also a side of our friendship that goes way beyond that - we share a marriage bed together, and we dream thoughts and exchange intimacies that are shared with nobody else on this planet. That's what God intended, we believe, in the marriage relationship.

The truth is we all as individuals like the thrill and excitement associated with love because it affirms us and reinforces our human connection with one another. When you were courting, all you could think about was how exciting and romantic it was to be together. Then, you couldn't do enough to please each other. As time passed, you got so accustomed to each other that you stopped making special efforts for each other. There were always so many responsibilities and details to take care of, that who could think about romance?

So maybe you've been missing those blissful feelings and you sense that your other half misses them too. 

Here are a few ways to put more romance back into your marriage.

1. DATE AGAIN

Date nights are a must. Mid-week, get out of those sweats and dress up -- and no talking about mortgages, sick parents and the children’s soccer schedules. Get to know the person you married again romantically. Some ideas include having a themed date – whether its 70’s music night or a hot summer’s day re-enactment. You could also have a first date re-enactment. You know walking down memory lane is fun and exhilarating; it allows you and your spouse to reconnect to your simpler selves, before life got complicated.

2. START YOUR FOREPLAY IN THE MORNING

Things like "I love you" in the morning, a special touch at breakfast, a "thinking of you" text during the workday, and cooking your spouse's favourite dish matter. They all count as foreplay, so start early for a late finish.

3.  TRY SOMETHING NEW

Be adventurous. Try out new things together. It’s all about the thrill of mystery and excitement you share together. Why not try out that new restaurant that just opened out of town or go to the theatre together and enjoy the new show that just opened. Oh and don’t forget to try something new in the bedroom, that’s always a winner.

4. TAKE A HOLIDAY

Get out of your routine and if possible, go on a trip. If there's no money for anything extra, take a long walk, have a picnic dinner or visit a museum; any shared activity that you both enjoy will work. Spending time focused on the two of you bonds you – you begin to ‘re-notice’ certain things.

5. SAY WHAT YOU WANT

Unless your partner is one of the elite 5% of society that happens to be psychic, tell or show your spouse what you need or want. Good communication is a must. Make sure this doesn't start and end in the blame game. Make sure you include what you want in and out of bed.