'Get over yourself '!

I’m so excited, and I just can’t hide it.

It’s the end of year - Yaaaaay! January seemed only like yesterday and I’m thankful the year has come to an end. Not everyone is happy, because they think the year hasn’t been so good to them or they didn’t seem to achieve much during the year, but I always say ‘give thanks in all things not for everything, but in all things.

Sometimes you don’t know how grateful you should be until you go through some difficult situations and come out victorious or see others that went through similar situations and didn’t quite make it through.

Anyway, the New Year is upon us whether we like it or not; for some it’s another brand new lease of 12 months to take a stab at life and for others an opportunity to re-write some mistakes made. Whichever way it’s a New Year, a brand new chance for taking a stab at life.

So, if you are feeling sad and sorry that the past 12 months didn’t go too well for you, well don’t!

You don’t need to feel sorry for yourself or throw a pity party. You need to have a plan, if not you will keep looking back. If you are trying to get over your past or bad memories are still playing in your mind, you are asking yourself, how do I get over the memories?

Well I have a suggestion, ‘fight fear with a plan’.

Have you heard the saying ‘Failing to plan is planning to fail’? This is true! Every successful person you see got there because they had a plan. Sometimes you need a plan to get up in the morning. Naturally, I want to sleep all day or laze around and do nothing demanding. However, I realised very early on that lazing around doesn’t put food on the table so I needed to do something and get my focus on something productive to my future rather than your focusing on my past.

Mary Kay, the popular privately owned American direct sales company that sells cosmetics in 2011 was estimated to have net sales worth $2.9 billion. When interviewed on the secret of her success, she said ‘I write down the 6 most important things each day and then I do them’. Wow! Look how successful she became.

Before you look at specific areas that are important to you, you may want to consider for a bit how your plans for the coming year should work?

Having a plan is like setting long term and short term goals for your life. So consider these:

Make sure your goals are in writing

No matter how big or small. Goals not written down are just wishes. It’s been proven that people who write down their goals earn 9 times as much as those who don’t.

Make sure your goals are measurable 

There is a great difference between saying, ‘I really want to lose some weight’ versus ‘I will lose 10 pounds by March 1^st’. If your goals are not measurable, you won’t have a way of knowing how well or bad you are doing in pursuit of your goals.

 Make sure you Goals are realistic  

If they are unrealistic, you are setting yourself up for defeat. I cannot tell you how many people I have seen, (myself included) that have set unrealistic goals. For example, someone might say ‘I want to spend 3 hours with the Lord’, now if you are struggling to even have a prayer life, maybe start with 10 minutes when you wake up, once you’ve done that consistently for about a week, you can move to 30 minutes. So your ideal may be 3 hours, why not break it up into manageable chunks until you reach your goal?

Make sure your goals must have a deadline 

It’s amazing how a deadline gives you a sense of urgency. Deadlines motivate you. Remember when you were sent on errand when you were younger and you would race your brother or sister to see how fast you will get back or get it done before a certain time? Wasn’t it amazing you finished quickly, well that’s the power of deadlines. They say the most productive day of the year is the day before vacation. So, have a deadline creates a sense of urgency and keeps you motivated.

That’s it for now, I’ll be back with more ways to prepare for the New Year; make sure you remember these things before you even start setting goals.

Reference: Habakkuk 2:2, Luke 14:28

Is ROMANCE dead?

I was sitting quietly doing some work on my laptop whilst being distracted by my favourite television series, NCIS; the original NCIS (the NCIS Los Angeles is too ‘techno-gizmo’ for me), when my wife comes to me and says we ‘should do something’, to which I reply ‘I am, I’m working’. She said ‘no, I mean something romantic’; this got me troubled. With barely a month into marriage, it got me thinking, I hope I’m not becoming one of those odd couples I've heard and seen that seem to have lost the romance in their marriage.

This begs the question, should romance have a place in marriage? Should married couples experience a regular feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love? After all, I now have the licence to thrill and be thrilled.

Don’t get me wrong romance is not and shouldn't be the sole foundation of a union, however, it is the fire in the fireplace — the warmth and security of a relationship that says, "We may have struggles, but I love you, and everything is okay." We ought to make romance a part of our everyday diet in our marriage relationship. 

Look at what the Bible says in Proverbs 5:18-19: "…May your fountain be blessed,  and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer - may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love"

That's a powerful image - to be literally exhilarated by your spouse. This type of romance is part of what sets a marriage apart from just a friendship. Victoria is my friend, but there is also a side of our friendship that goes way beyond that - we share a marriage bed together, and we dream thoughts and exchange intimacies that are shared with nobody else on this planet. That's what God intended, we believe, in the marriage relationship.

The truth is we all as individuals like the thrill and excitement associated with love because it affirms us and reinforces our human connection with one another. When you were courting, all you could think about was how exciting and romantic it was to be together. Then, you couldn't do enough to please each other. As time passed, you got so accustomed to each other that you stopped making special efforts for each other. There were always so many responsibilities and details to take care of, that who could think about romance?

So maybe you've been missing those blissful feelings and you sense that your other half misses them too. 

Here are a few ways to put more romance back into your marriage.

1. DATE AGAIN

Date nights are a must. Mid-week, get out of those sweats and dress up -- and no talking about mortgages, sick parents and the children’s soccer schedules. Get to know the person you married again romantically. Some ideas include having a themed date – whether its 70’s music night or a hot summer’s day re-enactment. You could also have a first date re-enactment. You know walking down memory lane is fun and exhilarating; it allows you and your spouse to reconnect to your simpler selves, before life got complicated.

2. START YOUR FOREPLAY IN THE MORNING

Things like "I love you" in the morning, a special touch at breakfast, a "thinking of you" text during the workday, and cooking your spouse's favourite dish matter. They all count as foreplay, so start early for a late finish.

3.  TRY SOMETHING NEW

Be adventurous. Try out new things together. It’s all about the thrill of mystery and excitement you share together. Why not try out that new restaurant that just opened out of town or go to the theatre together and enjoy the new show that just opened. Oh and don’t forget to try something new in the bedroom, that’s always a winner.

4. TAKE A HOLIDAY

Get out of your routine and if possible, go on a trip. If there's no money for anything extra, take a long walk, have a picnic dinner or visit a museum; any shared activity that you both enjoy will work. Spending time focused on the two of you bonds you – you begin to ‘re-notice’ certain things.

5. SAY WHAT YOU WANT

Unless your partner is one of the elite 5% of society that happens to be psychic, tell or show your spouse what you need or want. Good communication is a must. Make sure this doesn't start and end in the blame game. Make sure you include what you want in and out of bed.

A Gift to you...

It’s Christmas!

Many people are up and about celebrating Christmas, but not everyone is in the mood. Some people are sad because ‘Santa’ didn’t bring them what they have been expecting or they don’t have the money to get that expensive gift.

I have come to realise that many gifted people don’t always look ‘gifted’. I’m reminded of the story of Joseph and Mary the mother of Jesus. They must have thought they didn’t get what they had bargained for. On the one hand, they were minding their own business when God interrupted their plans to gift them with the opportunity of birthing the saviour of the world and on another hand, Mary became a social outcast for being pregnant out of wedlock, she almost lost Joseph, the love of her life and as if that was not enough, when they finally reconciled their differences, they found themselves to be fugitives seeking asylum not just for their lives but the life of the baby ‘gift’, that would be the saviour of the world.

On closer research I realised that every successful person that we see as gifted today have been troubled in one way or another. Look at the greats, each one of them had one challenge or the other.

Abraham would be called father of many nations, yet he was childless, Joseph the Prime Minister once had a Prison number and locked up for a crime he didn’t commit, Bill gates dropped out of Harvard and now he’s the richest man on earth, Mark Zuckerburg also dropped out in sophmore year and created Facebook... the list goes on.

You are gifted. The fact that you are going through trouble means you are gifted. Surely, there must have been hotels, bed and breakfast for the King of kings, but only a manger was open to the King of kings.

Many times your gift doesn’t need to shout before you know you are gifted.

So, have you dropped out of school, lost a love one, imprisoned, divorced, widowed? Whatever you are going through today, know that you are gifted and enjoy the gift in you.

Merry Christmas!

Reference: Luke 2:11-16

Hello people,

Okay this is my first post on here! I started blogging about 6 years ago, but I wasn't very consistent - so pray for me saints that I keep this up.

The purpose of this page is to share with you our story – mine and Victoria’s. We count ourselves hugely privileged to be serving as pastors in this generation, and want to let you know how it came about.

So, what can you expect on here? Well, I have always been interested in all things relationships, I have studied relationship from different angles and spheres of life and with me being recently married, I decided to go on this fantastic journey of discovering more about relationships and how I can be better and purposeful in my marriage, business and life generally.

My blog name is inspired by my first published book (It's Now Her heartbeat), Its not my first book, but I managed to get it published and its proving to be a bestseller, in fact I'm intrigued at places where the book is discussed.

I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy blogging.