SINKING SANDS

Hello people, hope your New Year is off to a great start? It was Wednesday movie night yesterday, a tradition myself and my wife are trying to develop in our bid to decisively do something romantic (click here for more details). So we switched on to OHTV for Wednesday night movies; showing was a Ghanian drama depicting the story of a newly wedded couple whose love turns to violence after a domestic accident leaves the husband disfigured starring  Ama K, Jimmy Jean Loius and Yemi Blaq.

This film made me sad and very close to tears as I witnessed glaring domestic violence and the heroine didn't even know it was happening to her. I decided to do a post on possible red flags on domestic violence. For more information on the subject, check out +StandtoEndRape Ster  . If you need to speak to someone in confidence you can send an email or send a message on Facebook.

So, if you think your spouse or partner is abusive, or you suspect that someone you know is in an abusive relationship, review the red flags and other information on domestic abuse and violence covered in this article. Not all abuse involves physical threat; emotional abuse can also leave deep and lasting scars. Recognising the warning signs and symptoms of spousal abuse is the first step, but taking action is the most important step in breaking free.

Victims of domestic abuse or domestic violence may be men or women

Although women are more commonly victimized. This abuse happens among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. Except for the gender difference, domestic abuse doesn’t discriminate. It happens within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and financial levels. The abuse may occur during a relationship, while the couple is breaking up, or after the relationship has ended.

Despite what many people believe, domestic violence is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over their behaviour. In fact, violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuser in order to take control over another.

Spousal abuse and battery are used for one purpose: to gain and maintain total control over the victim. In addition to physical violence, abusers use the following tactics to exert power over the victims:

Dominance

Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship. They will make decisions for you and the family, tell you what to do, and expect you to obey without question. Your abuser may treat you like a servant, child, or even as his/her possession.

Humiliation 

An abuser will do everything to make you feel bad about yourself, or defective in some way. After all, if you believe you're worthless and that no one else will want you, you're less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode your self-esteem and make you feel powerless.

Isolation

In order to increase your dependence on him/her, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world. The abuser may keep you from seeing family or friends, or even prevent you from going to work or school. You may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone.

Threats 

Abusers commonly use threats to keep their victims from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges. Your abuser may threaten to hurt or kill you, your children, other family members, or even pets. He/she may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against you, or report you to child services.

Intimidation

Your abuser may use a variety of intimation tactics designed to scare you into submission. Such tactics include making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of you, destroying property, hurting your pets, or putting weapons on display. The clear message is that if you don't obey, there will be violent consequences.

Denial and blame 

Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behaviour on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse. Your abuser may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred. He will commonly shift the responsibility on to you: Somehow, his/her violence and abuse is your fault.