How I met your Father

So people its been a while since we've blogged. As we all know February is the month of love and it's always a busy one speaking at conferences, seminars, and promoting It's Now Her Heartbeat (see sample pages here) etc. Watch out for pictures soon!

So here is an interview I did for one of my favourite bloggers check out other work work at http://oneplustheone.blogspot.co.uk. 

Hope you enjoy!

Victoria

***It Was a Spring Day***

Wow!

Where do I start? Through a family friend, I was introduced to Felix; I remember the day clearly.

The phone rings, I say ‘Hello’ and after observing the usual telephone protocols and pleasantries, the next question my friend asked was ‘Are you still single?’ I burst out laughing; typical of ladies right?! My answer was ‘err yeah, why do you ask?’, and her response was ‘I have someone for you’; I laughed again..{and Sarah laughed}

So, I said to her, that I'm not interested and wasn’t really looking for anyone. You see, to be honest, I really wasn’t looking for anyone, and I was enjoying my season of singleness, a season of just seeking after God and nothing else. She said to me ‘Don’t you know you are getting old?’, have in mind I was only 22 years old at that time; in my mind I thought to myself ‘Oh no, you didn’t!’. Anyway, after a long tussle, I finally succumbed to her match-making powers and said ‘Okay fine’; thank God for persistent friends.

She gave me his name, and straightaway I went on Facebook to check out who this guy was; oh come off it we all do it! I just wanted to make sure the person existed (laugh out loud). Apart from knowing he existed, I also wanted to have a mental image of who this man was; one peek and Oooooohh yes my baby is fineeeee (laugh out loud – don’t judge me).

From that day on I kept on praying, it took Felix about a month before he even called me, I thought maybe he’s not serious or even ready. After the initial calls and intermittent Blackberry messages, it took him a year before he actually proposed to see me in person! (Yes a year….a full, whole year!!… Hmmm that’s a book on its own.

During the one year period of just talking, I learnt a lot about God and about myself. I think God was really testing my patience, because after a few months of talking, I wanted to meet him already, but he wouldn’t ask me, and I kept silent too (Ladies, I believe in being lady-like and let him do the chasing – but it was hard – arrrgh!).

So one year later, here comes the light after a very long tunnel (!!), on that fateful Sunday afternoon I finally saw the man I had been speaking to on the phone, he wasn’t as tall as I imagined, but a mighty man of God.

***Just before summer***

So it took a year for me to see this guy. Who does that? I mean why? Was I supposed to just wait around for this guy like I had nothing better to do? The answer is YES....just joking!

The wait was the most trying time of my life. I didn't think I would survive it!

The hardest thing was being on his BBM contact list and he would not as much as say hello. Yet he'll be updating his status like no man's business; everyday is someone's birthday - and by the way they were mostly 'girls' - if it's not Michelle today, it's Bukky tomorrow (laughing out loud right now), but that wasn't funny back then, that just used to annoy me. Once in a 'very' blue moon, Mr 'Celebration of all Female Birthdays' will decide to send a BB message, 'Hi Wunmi'. That would just get me smiling but I'll make him wait a bit, like I've been busy or something (err, yes I said it), I didn't want to come across like I was just by the phone waiting for him to remember me). If I'm very honest those times were hard, how can someone be so close and yet be so distant at the same time?

Remember I said the waiting time was a trying and testing time for me, I finally got to a place where I was comfortable with me and secure with the promises of God for me. I took comfort in the Words of Habakkuk 2:3

"For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.”

I decided, if Felix was the God ordained man for me, then I need not worry or succumb to gimmicks, all I had to do was commit him to God's hands and when he has finished celebrating everyone's birthday, he will come home.

***Summer time***

So with continuous prayers, and limited communication, one day Felix begins to warm up, then he asked if he could meet up with me and that maybe we go for a meal. I still remember the day, it was a Sunday afternoon, I had just gotten back from church, and we went to Wagamamas. Felix and I talked long and hard. One of the things I liked was that Felix was intentional about the relationship right from meeting me. He said he wanted to be in a relationship with me and believed I am his wife... We had many talks and did a lot of getting to know each other.

Waiting Till 'I Do'...

From the early stages of our relationship we talked about boundaries. Felix said he didn't want to kiss me, but will like the honours when we are joined and the officiating minister says, 'You may NOW kiss the bride'. I thought that was romantic of him, but secretly thought to myself if it was possible. We talked openly about what we can or cannot do. This was very helpful to both of us; there were times when Felix felt like he couldn't wait - fortunately I would be strong and firm, and there were times I would feel like just giving him the 'snog of life' (laughing out loud) but he would restrain me and remind me of why we chose to wait.

We tried to help ourselves because we both agreed we are human and anything could happen, for example, we made sure we didn’t spend too much time together alone especially at night. We realised that the later it was in the day, the more sensitive we were to touch and so on.

Why The Wait?

As a virgin, being in a relationship wasn’t going to change my status. I believed in keeping myself for that special person. Also, based on my personal beliefs as a Christian, I felt I wouldn’t be giving God and my husband the best of me if I didn’t keep myself chaste before marriage.

I had to speak to God, because there was no way else to know about it. I needed to hear from Him, to make sure that my steps where being ordered by Him. God being faithful would show me scriptures, this in turn reinforced the knowledge I had and also gave me the inner peace conviction that it was okay to go ahead and wait. Also, while I was waiting I went for single ladies conferences; I was working doing what I needed to do as a woman but most importantly spent so much time with God.

***Autumn leaves***

We started a relationship and on June 25th 2013, Felix proposed to me and the rest as they say is history…. Well not quite! When I crossed over into 2013, I didn't know I would be married before the year was out. There were many oppositions. Many people in my family thought it was too soon for me to get married being one of the youngest in the family (extended family included) but Felix reassured me that if God meant it to be that year, it will be – and so it was!

...And the best part about being married…

#Best-friends #Unlimited Sex (loooool) #Sharing together

To read more stories like ours check out Waiting and Loving it

Be mindful how you treat people!

Gospel recording artist Fred Hammond is starting the year out with a bang! Many of us have watched Fred’s honest struggle with his knees. He even revealed a big disappointment last year. Well, he has let us in on a miracle in his life one year later!

Just a couple of days ago, Hammond underwent knee surgery. Only twenty minutes after the surgery, Hammond posted on Twitter, “Physical therapy 20 minutes after surgery, let’s go,” and posted the above picture. He also said, “Literally learning how to walk again. Stretching and exercising left til 6:30 then right leg @ 8:30… Pain, BUT I WILL BLESS THE LORD.”

Check out his note below:

- See more at: justfmj.blogspot.co.uk/2014/01/be-mindful-how-you-treat-people-gospel.html

Hey family. ( from my hospital bed.)

23 years ago I put out my first solo CD called I am persuaded. Back then I couldn’t afford a booking agent so I put my home number on the back of the CD.. I know back then it look like we/Commissioned were BALL’n like crazy but we weren’t, we had modest little lives and it was cool because we knew it/BALL’n was on the way because we worked hard and believed the Promise of God that we’d be blessed.

I was married at the time and my wife and daughter BreeAnn (2years old) all slept in the same room due to the house being so small. And because of time zone differences sometimes the phone would ring after hours and I have to catch it to make the proper arrangements for a gig, but it usually wouldn’t ring too much after 11pm or 12am, and if it did i’d usually let the answering machine retrieve the call. But this one particular day the phone rang at 2AM so not knowing if it’s an emergency or not I answered the phone. To my surprise there was two young fellas on the phone who immediately begin to apologize. They said we didn’t think you would pick up the phone but I was telling my partner that your voice is on the answering machine and we just wanted to hear your voice on answering machine. Being a little baffled and still sleepy somehow I decided to chit chat for minute. I didn’t know these guys from Adam’s house cat but I begin to ask them a few questions like where they from? and they told me, I asked them how old were they, and they told me they were both 17 getting ready to graduate high school. I asked him how do they like the commission records and he said they were big fans then i asked about my solo record, was it out where they where and say yes we both have any and everything you put out Mr Hammond, and I thought that was pretty cool. We chatted for a few more minutes and I reminded them to keep the Lord first and continue to get good grades because you and do well in college and they replied with respect yes sir thank you for talking to us minister Hammond, and that was the last time I talked to them.

Back in February 2013 we held a video shoot for the United tenors. And a gentleman from Washington DC now in his 40′s walked up to me and said this is like a dream come true man, I’m actually here in Dallas watching you perform, this is great. He said he noticed that I was limping and what was the problem? And I simply said I have really bad knees and I gotta get them fixed. The brother was so excited he begin to explain to me an event that took place in his life with a friend of his when they were kids. He got his friend on the phone and put him on speaker, they begin to explain to me how glad they were and how my music was a blessing to them throughout the years (college years) but mostly how when they were 17 they called my house at 2 AM in the morning and I didn’t cuss them out or be rude to them in anyway but I took time to talk to them and encourage them they were glad about that. Here’s where it gets interesting The one brother from DC is a consultant to sports companies and pro athletes. And the other brother here in Texas and said its because you took the time to talk to us and not be rude to us and your music has been such a blessing helping us through college years and becoming men and musicians I want to hook you up.

He happens to be one of the leading orthopedic specialist in Texas and last Friday gave me and my family first-class treatment and opened up/operated on both my knees and put brand-new ones in them. And you know hospital stays and operations of any kind can be expensive and the brother has blessed me financially in that way as well.

LOOK AT GOD!!!!!

1 Corinthians 13.1&2

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing. (1 Corinthians 13:1, 2 MSG)

Sometimes we don’t have to act all super Duper important, extra grand and suchy much, spiritually deep, quoting scriptures every five minutes to impress folk, or spitting prophecy all over people when they talk to you.

Sometimes all you have to be as nice and God will hook you up.

Blessings family

Thank you for your well wishes and support.

Love

f.

Look at God is RIGHT!!! Be careful how you treat people. You never know who He’ll use to bless you.

- See more at: See more at: justfmj.blogspot.co.uk/2014/01/be-mindful-how-you-treat-people-gospel.html

I love my Ex-boyfriend?

So, over the past few days after publishing my post on forgetting the past and pursuing the future, I received a number of responses from people finding it hard to kick start the year because they were still hung up or unable to forget memories from their ex-boyfriend/girlfriend or people they had share intimate memories with.

Some find it hard to let go. Some people log in through a mutual friend's profile, just so that they can keep tabs on their ex, without them knowing. Letting go can be difficult. Letting go of people, ideas, expectations, desires; letting go of bad habits, false beliefs and unhealthy relationships... the list goes on. 

If you want to move on, you must leave the past where it is: in the past. I'm not convinced you can have a new healthy relationship if you are still in constant contacts with your ex.

Every day, every moment presents an opportunity to create ourselves anew, to shrug off the baggage of the past, open ourselves up to the possibility of the moment and take action to create an incredible future. 

Some believe you don't have to burn all bridges with your past; they say it's possible to have a healthy platonic, no-strings attached relationship with their exes. Some of them even say they are best of friends now. One woman even said she is such good friends with her ex that she approached him to help find a job for her current husband - by the way she still hasn't mentioned to her husband how his new job came about.

So I'm asking an open question:

Is it OK to get in touch or stay in touch with an Ex?

SINKING SANDS

Hello people, hope your New Year is off to a great start? It was Wednesday movie night yesterday, a tradition myself and my wife are trying to develop in our bid to decisively do something romantic (click here for more details). So we switched on to OHTV for Wednesday night movies; showing was a Ghanian drama depicting the story of a newly wedded couple whose love turns to violence after a domestic accident leaves the husband disfigured starring  Ama K, Jimmy Jean Loius and Yemi Blaq.

This film made me sad and very close to tears as I witnessed glaring domestic violence and the heroine didn't even know it was happening to her. I decided to do a post on possible red flags on domestic violence. For more information on the subject, check out +StandtoEndRape Ster  . If you need to speak to someone in confidence you can send an email or send a message on Facebook.

So, if you think your spouse or partner is abusive, or you suspect that someone you know is in an abusive relationship, review the red flags and other information on domestic abuse and violence covered in this article. Not all abuse involves physical threat; emotional abuse can also leave deep and lasting scars. Recognising the warning signs and symptoms of spousal abuse is the first step, but taking action is the most important step in breaking free.

Victims of domestic abuse or domestic violence may be men or women

Although women are more commonly victimized. This abuse happens among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. Except for the gender difference, domestic abuse doesn’t discriminate. It happens within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and financial levels. The abuse may occur during a relationship, while the couple is breaking up, or after the relationship has ended.

Despite what many people believe, domestic violence is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over their behaviour. In fact, violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuser in order to take control over another.

Spousal abuse and battery are used for one purpose: to gain and maintain total control over the victim. In addition to physical violence, abusers use the following tactics to exert power over the victims:

Dominance

Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship. They will make decisions for you and the family, tell you what to do, and expect you to obey without question. Your abuser may treat you like a servant, child, or even as his/her possession.

Humiliation 

An abuser will do everything to make you feel bad about yourself, or defective in some way. After all, if you believe you're worthless and that no one else will want you, you're less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode your self-esteem and make you feel powerless.

Isolation

In order to increase your dependence on him/her, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world. The abuser may keep you from seeing family or friends, or even prevent you from going to work or school. You may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone.

Threats 

Abusers commonly use threats to keep their victims from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges. Your abuser may threaten to hurt or kill you, your children, other family members, or even pets. He/she may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against you, or report you to child services.

Intimidation

Your abuser may use a variety of intimation tactics designed to scare you into submission. Such tactics include making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of you, destroying property, hurting your pets, or putting weapons on display. The clear message is that if you don't obey, there will be violent consequences.

Denial and blame 

Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behaviour on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse. Your abuser may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred. He will commonly shift the responsibility on to you: Somehow, his/her violence and abuse is your fault.

'Get over yourself '!

I’m so excited, and I just can’t hide it.

It’s the end of year - Yaaaaay! January seemed only like yesterday and I’m thankful the year has come to an end. Not everyone is happy, because they think the year hasn’t been so good to them or they didn’t seem to achieve much during the year, but I always say ‘give thanks in all things not for everything, but in all things.

Sometimes you don’t know how grateful you should be until you go through some difficult situations and come out victorious or see others that went through similar situations and didn’t quite make it through.

Anyway, the New Year is upon us whether we like it or not; for some it’s another brand new lease of 12 months to take a stab at life and for others an opportunity to re-write some mistakes made. Whichever way it’s a New Year, a brand new chance for taking a stab at life.

So, if you are feeling sad and sorry that the past 12 months didn’t go too well for you, well don’t!

You don’t need to feel sorry for yourself or throw a pity party. You need to have a plan, if not you will keep looking back. If you are trying to get over your past or bad memories are still playing in your mind, you are asking yourself, how do I get over the memories?

Well I have a suggestion, ‘fight fear with a plan’.

Have you heard the saying ‘Failing to plan is planning to fail’? This is true! Every successful person you see got there because they had a plan. Sometimes you need a plan to get up in the morning. Naturally, I want to sleep all day or laze around and do nothing demanding. However, I realised very early on that lazing around doesn’t put food on the table so I needed to do something and get my focus on something productive to my future rather than your focusing on my past.

Mary Kay, the popular privately owned American direct sales company that sells cosmetics in 2011 was estimated to have net sales worth $2.9 billion. When interviewed on the secret of her success, she said ‘I write down the 6 most important things each day and then I do them’. Wow! Look how successful she became.

Before you look at specific areas that are important to you, you may want to consider for a bit how your plans for the coming year should work?

Having a plan is like setting long term and short term goals for your life. So consider these:

Make sure your goals are in writing

No matter how big or small. Goals not written down are just wishes. It’s been proven that people who write down their goals earn 9 times as much as those who don’t.

Make sure your goals are measurable 

There is a great difference between saying, ‘I really want to lose some weight’ versus ‘I will lose 10 pounds by March 1^st’. If your goals are not measurable, you won’t have a way of knowing how well or bad you are doing in pursuit of your goals.

 Make sure you Goals are realistic  

If they are unrealistic, you are setting yourself up for defeat. I cannot tell you how many people I have seen, (myself included) that have set unrealistic goals. For example, someone might say ‘I want to spend 3 hours with the Lord’, now if you are struggling to even have a prayer life, maybe start with 10 minutes when you wake up, once you’ve done that consistently for about a week, you can move to 30 minutes. So your ideal may be 3 hours, why not break it up into manageable chunks until you reach your goal?

Make sure your goals must have a deadline 

It’s amazing how a deadline gives you a sense of urgency. Deadlines motivate you. Remember when you were sent on errand when you were younger and you would race your brother or sister to see how fast you will get back or get it done before a certain time? Wasn’t it amazing you finished quickly, well that’s the power of deadlines. They say the most productive day of the year is the day before vacation. So, have a deadline creates a sense of urgency and keeps you motivated.

That’s it for now, I’ll be back with more ways to prepare for the New Year; make sure you remember these things before you even start setting goals.

Reference: Habakkuk 2:2, Luke 14:28

Is ROMANCE dead?

I was sitting quietly doing some work on my laptop whilst being distracted by my favourite television series, NCIS; the original NCIS (the NCIS Los Angeles is too ‘techno-gizmo’ for me), when my wife comes to me and says we ‘should do something’, to which I reply ‘I am, I’m working’. She said ‘no, I mean something romantic’; this got me troubled. With barely a month into marriage, it got me thinking, I hope I’m not becoming one of those odd couples I've heard and seen that seem to have lost the romance in their marriage.

This begs the question, should romance have a place in marriage? Should married couples experience a regular feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love? After all, I now have the licence to thrill and be thrilled.

Don’t get me wrong romance is not and shouldn't be the sole foundation of a union, however, it is the fire in the fireplace — the warmth and security of a relationship that says, "We may have struggles, but I love you, and everything is okay." We ought to make romance a part of our everyday diet in our marriage relationship. 

Look at what the Bible says in Proverbs 5:18-19: "…May your fountain be blessed,  and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer - may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love"

That's a powerful image - to be literally exhilarated by your spouse. This type of romance is part of what sets a marriage apart from just a friendship. Victoria is my friend, but there is also a side of our friendship that goes way beyond that - we share a marriage bed together, and we dream thoughts and exchange intimacies that are shared with nobody else on this planet. That's what God intended, we believe, in the marriage relationship.

The truth is we all as individuals like the thrill and excitement associated with love because it affirms us and reinforces our human connection with one another. When you were courting, all you could think about was how exciting and romantic it was to be together. Then, you couldn't do enough to please each other. As time passed, you got so accustomed to each other that you stopped making special efforts for each other. There were always so many responsibilities and details to take care of, that who could think about romance?

So maybe you've been missing those blissful feelings and you sense that your other half misses them too. 

Here are a few ways to put more romance back into your marriage.

1. DATE AGAIN

Date nights are a must. Mid-week, get out of those sweats and dress up -- and no talking about mortgages, sick parents and the children’s soccer schedules. Get to know the person you married again romantically. Some ideas include having a themed date – whether its 70’s music night or a hot summer’s day re-enactment. You could also have a first date re-enactment. You know walking down memory lane is fun and exhilarating; it allows you and your spouse to reconnect to your simpler selves, before life got complicated.

2. START YOUR FOREPLAY IN THE MORNING

Things like "I love you" in the morning, a special touch at breakfast, a "thinking of you" text during the workday, and cooking your spouse's favourite dish matter. They all count as foreplay, so start early for a late finish.

3.  TRY SOMETHING NEW

Be adventurous. Try out new things together. It’s all about the thrill of mystery and excitement you share together. Why not try out that new restaurant that just opened out of town or go to the theatre together and enjoy the new show that just opened. Oh and don’t forget to try something new in the bedroom, that’s always a winner.

4. TAKE A HOLIDAY

Get out of your routine and if possible, go on a trip. If there's no money for anything extra, take a long walk, have a picnic dinner or visit a museum; any shared activity that you both enjoy will work. Spending time focused on the two of you bonds you – you begin to ‘re-notice’ certain things.

5. SAY WHAT YOU WANT

Unless your partner is one of the elite 5% of society that happens to be psychic, tell or show your spouse what you need or want. Good communication is a must. Make sure this doesn't start and end in the blame game. Make sure you include what you want in and out of bed.